Monday, 3 June 2013

A Tale of Legends

On the hunt for some Masterpiece Transformers for some friends, I found myself wandering through the wayward aisles of my local Toys R Wot??  On the way, I spied the fact they had some Marvel legends Figures.
And let the Story begin!!

“Ooooh!” says I, “I need me a nice Wolvey.”  I had a look, Oh my!  there were so many Wolverines.

  “Oh, Look!” I exclaimed to myself excitedly, “It’s Captain America too!  I need one of them as well.  Oh no, what a horrible face sculpt.”  Digging through the peg display ensued and I happened upon some orange guy with an atom symbol on his chest.

"I don’t know who this guy is.  And what the hell is a Hit-Monkey?!?!???”  I happened to look up at the ticket price.

“Whoa! Thirty Dollars???  That’s a bit rich for a Wolverine.”  My enthusiasm waned but I continued to window shop.

  I stood there perplexed briefly before a dark square hidden behind the muscles of the unknown muscle toy caught my eye.
“What could this be?” I thought to myself.  I proceeded to investigate and …
"Oh dear, that is a really awesome Archangel figure…   I want one,”  Alas, there were none on the shelf, but never giving up easily and being a resourceful fellow, I did spy some extra packets on the storage shelf above the normal shelving. 

It was not within easy reach.

One thing I should mention is that the magical place known as Toys R Wot?? seems to exist in a staff-free dimension.  Being a fellow well aware of occupational health and safety within the workplace, my first instinct was to find a staff member and ask them to climb a ladder that was temptingly close by.  However as one could surmise, in a staff-free dimension, the wonderful things known as “staff” are not easily acquirable.  Much like my Archangel it would seem, assuming there is one up there in the first place. 

I made a quick lap around the area looking for staff and apparently I wasn’t the only one, as other customers almost  mistook ME for a non-existent being as well.  The ladder was still near by. Tempting me, calling my name seductively.

“Tets, Teeeeeetttttsssss, come climb me.  You can reach many lofty heights if only you would traverse my gilded steps.  All that you desire will be within reach [assuming its there].”   It whispered this last bit.

Oddly though I had this horrible feeling that if I grabbed it and dragged it to where I needed it, it would create a lot of noise that might draw out a staff member.  Strangely enough, the thought of this filled me with a sense of dread, yet looking back on it, that was exactly what I wanted.

Unperturbed by this irrational fear of being inundated with non-existent beings, I formulated another plan.  One that I seem to fall back on fairly regularly.

Checking that my aisle was clear of witnesses, I assessed the shelving situation.
  • Tall?                            Check.
  • Sturdy?                       Check.
  • Clear bottom shelf?      Check.

Things are looking good for the plan.  Once again I assessed the area for witnesses which might intrude.

The plan is a go! 

Being a taller than average chap, I used this to good advantage, with a sturdy foot I placed it on the bottom shelf, which conveniently had a clear spot for my foot. 
It must have been destiny!
One hand grabbed a nearby head height shelf for balance and the other reached over the storage shelf lip and reached for the Legends packets stacked upon it.

First packet nabbed.  Boo, More Muscle guy.  

Second packet nabbed.  Eauurgh, ugly faced Capt. USA

Third and fourth nabbed.  Another Muscle guy and , OH HELLO.  She-Rulk.  not what I was after, but a nice looking figure.  ifyaknowwhatImean.

REEEEAACH “Only two left, come one,” I thought to myself.  Desperation was setting in.
Fifth packet.  Dammit, another bloody Wolverine.

Final REEEEAAAAAAAAAaaAACCHHHH and STREEEETCH.  This was a hard one, I was on the brink of not only my reach, but also giving up.

I touched it.  Just. Knocked it over and it was easier to get a hold of.  Pullll, and
OH NO, dropped it. 
Skilled hands made the catch, I still hadn’t looked at the pack.

I look down.  And Oh my, it’s so beautiful.  It was a sexy winged Archangel looking at me.  Tears in his eyes saying “Thanks for getting me out from the back of the storage shelf there Tets.  I am so beautiful, give me a good home please.”

“Sure thing Little blue fella,” I replied, a little exhausted from my mighty efforts to free him from his shamed space in the back corner.  Slowly I made my way to the checkouts

At the checkouts, it would seem that I managed to escape the staff-free dimension.  Odd though as I hadn’t seen a portal anywhere…

Verily I ventured unto the checkouts with Archangel in hand.  Knowing full well he will cost me $29.99….  I patiently wait for my chance, and boop!

Checkout says no…  I tell the operator it’s thirty dollars.  This isn’t good enough, even after I offered an extra cent.  She arranges for a price check.  A staff member appears and decides to go check.

Naturally I worry.  Can a staff member survive in the Staff-free dimension that he must surely cross?  I await, in fear for his life.  I don’t want to see another person die in another lonely dimension for a measly price check.

Much to my relief, he reappears.  Much to my chagrin, it was five minutes later.  To add to my chagrin, he couldn’t find the price….  “Seriously?” I thought to myself.  I don’t work here, have more interest in Transformers than this toy and I found the price straight away….

Toys R Wot???? lives up to its name once again! Huzzah!

As a strategic move to avoid the dimensional crossing once again, he decides to use the computer to look up the price thing.  The very same computer he was standing next to when originally asked about the toy.  A few seconds later, info received, payment processed, my eyes have rolled for the last time and I ventured with my new found friend into FREEDOM and the carpark.


  1. Great read. Been there, done that myself. My question though is why are the Marvel Legends $30 at your TRU? I know they mark stuff up all the time, but double retail?! I think in my parts (NC) they are $20.

    1. Aah, well Colby my old friend, it's mainly due to what I refer to as 'barstard tax.' Which is a whole other post in itself... In fact, I might just be off and go gather some evidence because it really get my blood a boilin'!


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