Thursday 14 July 2011

Badly Written Bio . Grimstone

Welcome to my first “Badly Written Bio” segment where I will rant and rave either about grammar, writing style or the message conatined within.  Our lucky first contender happens to be the Power Core Combiner of Grimstone.  Come on down!

Grimstone is here for two main reasons, please read the following bio, taken right from the side of his box.

Grimstone has always dreamed of power and the privilege it brings.  Despite his hunger for power, however <WHA? Why is this here??>, he has always  considered the needs of others before himself.  He believes it is the responsibility of the powerful to protect those less fortunate – A belief he intends to aggressively enforce now that he has his own Power Core Team.
  • Strength       -9
  • Intelligence   -6
  • Speed          -3
  • Endurance    -10
  • Rank            -8
  • Courage        -9
  • Fireblast       -5
  • Skill             -5
Now here we have another badly written bio.  An unnecessary ‘however.’  As well as the point that Grimstone here intends to “aggressively enforce” his beliefs upon others.  “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings” is the call of Optimus.  “As long as it’s MY type of freedom,”  should be in a sub-clause.
Sure they may be beliefs that are well intentioned, but surely thrusting your views on others is only going turn them off.  Just like various zealots of many flavours, both religious and non-religious, although to be honest I can’t think of many that aren’t religion centric off the top of my head.  Aar, Autobots, Transformers and politics.  Gotta love it.  All this and they went to the effort of changing the Seacons to be more friendly.  I sometimes wonder if these bio-writers ever re-read what the write.

In this bio I see little that separates this Autobot from the Decepticons.  Here we have an Autobot willing to use force on others to make them follow his ideals.    Unless it means that now Grimstone is more powerful HE will protect those weaker than him.  If that is the case, then it should have been worded differently.  Perhaps the wording “aggressively defend” instead of enforce would be better.

Grimstone: “Hey, You!  It’s the responsibility of the strong to protect the weak”
Tough-Bot: “Yeah, I know, I am busy right now though”
GS: “Raaaarrgh! Not good enough! PROTECT THE WEAAAAAK! Or I will aggressively enforce my views upon you!!”
TB: “Man, I think I am going to punch you in your faces if you keep on like that!”

No comments:

Post a Comment

Comments under moderation until I find around this spam thing.