Saturday, 16 July 2011

Badly Written Bios - Fisitron.


Fisitron
Function: Weapondry Expert 
“A brilliantly designed piece of firepower is a work of art”
Fisitron is an overly enthusiastic maker of tools, and the genius behind some of the most effective weapons in the Autobots arsenal.  In his cozy lab he makes whatever comes to mind.  For each strange gizmo he dreams up, he also manages to develop devices that can turn an Autobot into a one-bot wrecking crew.  He always keeps a pair of nucleon shock gauntlets handy.  Although Fisitron created Optimus Prime’s laser axe, it is often credited to his rival Skyfall.

  • Strength        - 8
  • Intelligence    - 9
  • Speed           - 5
  • Endurance     - 8
  • Rank             - 7
  • Courage        - 6
  • Firepower      - 8
  • Skill              - 9


OK, for a start is ‘weapondry’ even a real word?  I can see my spellchecker doesn’t like it.  Surely they mean ‘weapons’ or ‘weaponry.’  Or even perhaps ‘Armourer’?  All of those would be a better option than some random combination of letters or odd suffixes to get their meaning across.

“For each strange gizmo he dreams up, he also manages to develop devices that can turn an Autobot into a one-bot wrecking crew.”
 I think the message of this sentence is a little bit off.  I would recommend dropping the ‘he also’ as with it, it implies that he is creating other strange things, like a “flavour-wave” that are unrelated to weapons and the weapons that are dangerous are just a side project, which is not the case.

The shock gauntlets look like they are just a side comment with no relevance.  It could have worked better is it was something like “His Nucleon Shock Gauntlets were one of his earliest inventions.”  Which justifies what they are and keeps them in theme of his inventing and weapons creation.

Finally, the spelling of ‘cozy’ as opposed to ‘cosy’ although I suspect this is an American fascination with phonetic spelling, like ‘apologize’ and ‘apologise’ and dropping the ‘u’ from ‘colour.’  I will let this slide.

On the positives, we finally have the correct usage of ‘Although’!!  Well, they use it often enough, so they were bound to get it right at least once.  Huzzah!


The Bio in question.
Fisihd

2 comments:

  1. one bot wrecking crew, must be talking about me on wfc. yeah we like to drop the u's from words that you add them to and we like to switch s's to z's lol it's understandable because we're just a bunch of yanks up here lol

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    Replies
    1. I am a one bot dying crew on WFC. Nice to have a yank with a sense of humoUr ;)

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